Trusting the Current
About twelve years ago I tried to impress a boy by going on a white water kayaking trip. Over the course of those two days, I lost count of how many times I capsized my boat while attempting to make it down a terrifying river. Needless to say I definitely did not impress the boy, but I did learn a couple of things that have really stuck with me ever since. These lessons seem to be getting even more relevant as I get older and (hopefully) wiser, so I thought I would share them here.
One of the first things I noticed while learning to kayak on a very scary looking river was the strength and speed of the current. My instinct was to try to slow down and feel more in control. But my fruitless attempts to control my speed would only knock me off balance and quickly throw me under water.
Apparently I was meant to be working with the current. And, amazingly, trusting it and paddling with rather than against it actually made it much easier to navigate. I think about this feeling when I fall into patterns based on fear and lack of trust in myself. Trying to control situations can be so destructive and limiting, whereas approaching situations with curiosity makes for a much more enjoyable and peaceful adventure.
The second thing I remember from the trip is learning not to focus on the obstacles. Instead, I was told to always face toward the open spaces. Turns out, if you’re worried about hitting a rock, and you keep looking at that rock, you will most likely hit the rock. And yes, I hit the rock.
When I started looking in the direction that I wanted to go, rather than in the direction I was trying to avoid, I would magically find myself heading toward the safe spaces. I still knew the obstacles were there, but it mattered where I chose to direct my attention. So when I get fixated on something that I’m feeling stressed about, I often find myself visualizing the part of the river where I finally figured this out. It’s always such a great reminder to shift my attention to what matters and what feels good.
I feel like both these lessons about control and attention are things I’ve heard in various different places over the years. But there was something about the physicality of it, feeling it through the force of nature, that has helped me understand it in a way that just thinking about it intellectually could never do. And while I don’t advocate for doing things just to impress other people, I’ll be forever grateful for that somewhat terrifying experience because of what it taught me about how I want to move through this world.