Strength in Sensitivity

I was once told that I’d have to develop a thicker skin if I wanted to make it in science. 

My immediate reaction to this comment was to think that science was probably not for me. Maybe my sensitive soul couldn’t hack the ruthless criticism and cut-throat competitiveness of that world.

But there was another reason why I felt uncomfortable with that comment. I’ve since realized that the discomfort I felt in that moment was the initial stirrings of a challenge: Says Who?

I’ve started to wonder why anyone would actually want a thick skin. Something that would stop us from feeling the full impact of our experiences.

The idea of a thick skin brings to mind a suit of armour. Something that can protect us from harm, but also covers up who we are. It’s something that only really sits on the surface. A façade that hides what is truly underneath.

If I was wearing a suit of armour, I can imagine operating in two different states. Either passively letting things bounce off me, or actively engaging without really feeling the impact on myself or others. But is the alternative to completely give up control?

If you’ve been following along for a while, it probably doesn’t shock you that I think the exact opposite is true. 

Allowing ourselves to feel things means that we can process those feelings and decide how we want to respond. In my opinion operating this way requires far more strength than wearing a suit of armour. It’s a true, deep strength that doesn’t just involve covering up the outside.

To me, finding strength in sensitivity means being able to feel my experiences with the confidence that I will be able to get through them. It also means creating space for compassion, connection, and creativity to flourish.

Embracing my sensitivity doesn’t mean that I allow others to dictate how I feel. Rather it means that I can react to negative experiences with curiosity (sometimes even empathy) instead of defensiveness. It means that I can feel more comfortable with uncertainty, because I’m willing to sit with those feelings.

Of course, I’ve encountered opposition to this way of being in the world. But I’ve learned that this is what happens when you try to go against the grain. So for those who want to continue to tell people to stop being sensitive and develop a thicker skin, all I have to say is: 

Says Who?